Have you felt like you’re not where you want to be in life? Have you wondered if you get in your own way? We’ve all been there – unsure of what the future holds and how to get there. According to entrepreneur Conor Neill: Performance = Potential – Self-Sabotage. The truth is, sometimes the biggest hurdle to our success is ourselves. Whether you’re an independent professional or a small business owner, overcoming self-sabotaging behavior will set you up for the success you want. Here are five ways self-sabotage can manifest and how to conquer them.
Fixed Mindset
When you’re faced with rejection, what do you do? If you interpret it as a downfall instead of a stepping stone, you may have a fixed mindset. According to Psychologist Carol Dweck, “In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success — without effort.”
To avoid falling victim to this mindset, make sure you’re proud of the labor of your labor instead of your fruit. According to Neill, winning or losing shouldn’t be important. Instead, you should be focused on bettering yourself daily. If you’re open to learning something new, then you’re open to growing. Having a growth mindset is what brings success.
Giving in to Distractions
We all get distracted. According to TeamStage, Smartphones are the biggest work distraction at 55%, with the internet coming in second place at 41%. But, “If you let it win, you’ll never get anything important done,” says Neill. It’s important to set aside time for self-care. But you’ll enjoy that restoration more without worrying about unfinished tasks.
Neill suggests starting your day off by writing a to-do list of your three most important tasks. Focusing on three important things a day will help you get closer and closer to your goals in small but consistent steps. Neill also suggests doing your tasks in 20-minute increments. By focusing your attention 20 minutes at a time, you decrease your chances of getting distracted. And it increases your chances of focusing on what’s most important.
Low Self-Worth
According to Christian Muntean, people determine their self-worth by comparing themselves to others. But the problem with that is, there’s always going to be someone who appears to be better than you. Unfortunately, low self-worth is a driver for many people. But it does not serve anyone in their journey to success. “From confidence comes the belief that you have intrinsic value and that you bring value to others,” says Muntean.
We are what we think. What you see is determined by mindset. Author and psychotherapist Amy Morin says, “The way you choose to measure your worth as a person will serve as a major factor in the choices you make, the thoughts you have about life, and the way you feel about yourself.” Changing your inner dialogue from negative to positive will change your self-worth.
Unable to Control Emotions
It’s easy to allow our emotions to run us. Every second you spend in negative emotion is a second taken away from your focus on what’s important. Emotions like anger or sadness are normal, but if you find yourself being controlled by these feelings, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Acting out may feel good at the moment, but it’s likely to bring you further and further away from success.
Neill says it’s ok to feel your feelings. it’s when we act on these emotions that can cause disharmony, with ourselves and with others. Allow yourself time to feel what you’re feeling before you react. You may find that you choose to respond completely differently than you would have in the past. And you’ll have less of a chance of doing something you regret.
Scarcity Mindset
People with a scarcity mindset tend to lead through fear and control, according to researcher Laura Freebairn-Smith. They are often motivated by the fear of not gaining what they want or losing what they have. If you have a scarcity mindset, it could lead to a decrease in your morale and the morale of others. It can also lead to poor communication externally, with employees or clients.
On the other hand, an abundance mindset inspires better morale and communication. “People with an abundance perspective see the world as having sufficient resources for everyone and that power is shareable,” says Smith. An abundance mindset says you will be successful regardless of what anyone else has or does not have. Someone else’s success or failure does not contribute to your future.
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